Western Humor

小老鼠

Western Humor

Feng Jicai

Our institute employed an English teacher. He looked every strange—red-faced, golden-haired and with a thick growth of whiskers, a few hairs of which traveling all the way to the nose. He was really tall—sufficiently six feet five inches. When he came in through the door, he had to lower his head to avoid banging against the doorframe. It looked as though he always bowed to you at the door and that was much too polite. What was most strange about him was that when he chatted with the Chinese students on amusing topics, he did not laugh, nor did his face show any expression as if he had no sense of humor at all. However, when it came to topics of the most unamusing nature, he would burst out laughing, roaring while rocking in his chair, almost tipping off and falling flat on his back, his Adam’s apple dancing up and down in his throat and his whisker fluttering all over his face. The students would look at each other, wondering if this guy was in his right mind.
One day he set the students an essay to see how well they could write in English, the topic being “A Comment on Campus Life”—either complimentary or critical. That was simple. The Chinese students, quick at writing, finished it off at one go and turned it in in not time. Having gone through the students’ essays the teacher picked one that he though was the best. When he read it out to the students, they were perplexed. Of all the essays, why did he like this one better? Not a single word of it was true. The article was about the institute caferia and the author was a peaceable and timid student from a village in the outskirts. Taking care not to offend the institute authorities—the decisive factor concerning his final grading, evaluation and , most important of all, where he was to go after graduation—he had make up a high-sounding story in praise of the cafeteria, regardless of the realities, and that made his classmates very angry. The teacher, however, was not unaware of the cafeteria’s terrible conditions, but why did he have his eye on this one in particular? Someone asked.
“This is certainly a good essay,” he explained. “Absolutely matchless! Just listen …” He picked up the composition and began to read. “The most beautiful spot on campus is not the classroom building, nor the sports-ground, nor the lawn with the fountain at the gate; the most beautiful spot on campus os pir cafeteria. Look! The window-panes are so clean that you scarcely notice there is glass in them…” He paused, his eyes flashing with a glint of wits and his brows shooting upward. “Listen! Isn’t it humorous?”
Humorous? But what was humorous about it? The students were puzzled.
“If you were not careful enough,” he continued, “and had a fall on the floor, you would be amazed to find that you had no fallen at all because you did not get a single particle of dust on your clothes. If you had been working in the cafeteria long enough, you would have forgotten what a fly looks like…”He stopped, his tongue clicking rapidly to show admiration. Working up a funny expression on his face, he went on, “listen, please! Do you think anyone else could’ve made it more humorous?” He laughed so heartily that he could hardly continue.
By now the students seemed to be cottoning on.
The teacher went on, his reading punctuated by fits of laughter. “How wonderfully is the food cooked here! What a great variety of dishes you have on the menu and how well your appetite is satisfied! In fact it is only at the cafeteria of the institute that you find eating an enjoyable business…”
Suddenly the students laughed, rocking the classroom with their laughter.
Following this logic, God knows how many articles we would be able to produce, articles that are just as well-worded, quick-witted, artfully-conceived and set you rolling with laughter!

乐之路

没看就晕了。

乐之路

而且最后还没看懂。楼主能不能解释一下

小老鼠

西式幽默
冯骥才
学院请来一位洋教师，长得挺怪，红脸，金发，连鬓大胡须，有几根胡子一直逾过面颊，挨近鼻子，他个子足有二米，每迸屋门必须低头，才能躲过门框子的拦击，叫人误以为他进门先鞠躬，这不太讲究礼貌了吗？顶怪的是，他每每与中国学生聊天，聊到可笑之处时，他不笑，脸上也没表情，好象他不喜欢玩笑；可是有时毫不可笑的事，他会冷不防放声大笑，笑得翻江倒海，仰面朝天，几平连人带椅子要翻过去，喉结在脖子上乱跳，满脸胡子直抖。常使中国学生面面相觑，不知这位洋教师的神经是不是有点问题？
一天，洋教师出题，考察学生们用洋文作文的水准，题目极简单，随便议论议论校园内的一事一物，褒贬皆可。中国学生很灵，一挥而就，洋教师阅后。评出了最佳作文一篇，学生们听后大为不解，这种通篇说谎的文章怎么能被评为“最佳”？原来这篇作文是写学校食堂。写作文的学生来自郊区农村，人很老实，胆子又小, 生伯得罪校方，妨碍将来毕业时的分数、评语、分配工作等等，便不顾真假，胡编乱造，竭力美化，唱赞歌。使得一些学生看后惯惯然。可是……洋教师明知学校食堂糟糕透顶的状况，为什么偏要选这篇作文？有人直问洋教师。
洋教师说：“这文章写得当然好，而且绝妙无比•你们听一一”他拿起作文念起来，“我们学校最美的地方，不是教室，不是操场，也不是校门口那个带喷水的小花坛，而是食堂。瞧，玻璃干净得几乎叫你看不到它的存在——。”洋教师念到这儿，眼睛调皮地一亮，眉毛一挑，“听听，多么幽默！”
幽默？怎么会是幽默?大家还没弄明白。
洋教师接着念道：“如果你不小心在学校食堂跌了一跤，你会惊奇地发现你并没跌跤，因为你身上半点尘上也没留下；如果你长期在学校食堂里工作，恐怕你会把苍蝇是什么样子都忘了……”洋教师又停住，舌头“得”地弹一声，做一个怪脸说，“听呀，还要多幽默，我简直笑得念不下去了。”
学生们忽然明白了什么。
洋教师一边笑，一边继续往下念：“食堂天天的饭菜有多么精美、多么丰富、多么解馋！只有在学校食堂里•你才会感到吃饭是一种地道的享受……”。
忽然，学生们爆发起大笑来。
依照这种思维，我们会从身边发现多少聪明、机智、绝妙、令人捧腹的好文章啊。