躁郁之心－－－An unquiet mind

xike

Prologue

When it`s two o`clock in the morning, and you`re manic, even the UCLA Medical Center has a certain appeal. The hospital----ordinarily a cold clotting of uninteresting buildings----became for me, that fall morning not quite twenty years ago, a focus of my finely wired, exquisitely alert nervous system.. With vibrissae twinging, antennae perked, eyes fast-forwarding and fly faceted, I took in everything around me. I was on the run. Not just on the run but fast and furious on the run, darting back and forth across the hospital parking lot trying to use up a boundless, restless, manic energy. I was running fast, but slowly going mad.

清晨两点，在疯子眼里，连UCLA医疗中心也变得引人入胜。在差不多二十年前的那个秋日的早晨，医院――平常看起来不过是一幢幢连成一片的冰冷的毫无生趣的建筑，却成了我兴奋敏感的焦点所在。所有感官高速运转，双眼热切的四处张望，将身边事无巨细尽收眼底。我跑动着，不能仅用跑来形容，可以说是兴奋热烈的飞奔着。来来回回地绕着医院的停车场奔跑，试图毫尽身上无穷无尽的狂野精力。我跑的很快，逐步步向疯狂。

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-14 00:01 编辑 ]

xike

我的精力和能力有限，只是希望能有所帮助．

这是KayRedfield Jamison　杰米森博士写的一本关于她自己躁郁双相经历的书．封面有这么一段评语：

"It stands alone in the literature of manic depression for its bravery, brilliance and beauty."-------Oliver Sacks

它是在文学界中唯一的一本关于躁郁症的书，它是如此勇敢，卓越，美丽

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-11 01:46 编辑 ]

xike

The man I was with, a colleague from the medical school, had stopped running an hour earlier and was, he said impatiently, exhausted. This, to a saner　mind,　wouldnot have been surprising; the usual　distinction　between day and　night had long since disappeared for the two of us,and the endless hours of scotch, brawling, and fallings about in laughter had taken an obvious, if not final, toll. We should have been sleeping or working, publishing not perishing, reading journals,writing in charts, or drawing tedious scientific graphs that no one would read.

陪我一起跑步的我医学院的一个男同学，早在一小时前就停下不耐的告诉我他已经精疲力竭。神智清醒的人认为这很正常。而对于我们两个早已日夜不分的人来说，长时间的饮酒作乐，狂欢喧闹，即使尚不致命，也已造成严重影响。我们原该正常作息，发表菱，而非自毀前程；我们原该阅读杂志，作图表，画些没人看的科学曲线图。

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-14 00:01 编辑 ]

xike

Suddenly a police car pulled up. Even　in my less-than-totally-lucid state of mind I could see that officer had his hand on his gun as he got out of the car. “What in the hell are you doing running around the parking lot at this hour?” he asked. A not unreasonable question. My few remaining islets of judgment reached out to one another and linked up long enough to conclude that this particular situation was going to be hard to explain.`My colleague, fortunately was thinking far better than I was and managed to reach down into some deeply intui　tive part of his own and the world`s collective unconscious and said,”We`re both on the faculty in the psychiatry department.” The policeman looked at us smiled, went　back　to　his squad car and drove away.

Bing　professors of psychiatry explained everything.

一辆警车开了过来。尽管神智不清，我仍能看到一个警察从下了车，手放在他的佩枪上。“这种时候你围着停车场跑圈，你究竟想干嘛？”他问道。一个非常合理的问题。我仅凭七拼八凑的判断力也能理解，要解释我们这样的行为确实蛮困难的。幸好我的这位同学脑筋转的比较快，运用直觉本能和世俗的刻板印象向警官解释说：“我俩都是精神病学系的教员。”        警察笑着看看我俩，然后开着他的巡逻车走了。

精神病学教授的身份使一切不言而喻。

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-14 00:02 编辑 ]

xike

Within a month of signing　my appointment papers to become an assistant professor of psychiatry at the University of California,Los Angeles, I was well on　my way to madness; it was 1974,and I　was twenty-eight years old. Within three months I was manic beyond recognition and just beginning a long, costly personal war against a medication that I would, in a few years` time, be strongly encouraging others to take. My illness, and my struggles against the drug that ultimately saved my life and restored my sanity, had been years in the making.

接受加州大学洛杉矶分校的聘请，担任精神病学系的助理教授后，未到一个月，我就已深陷疯狂境地。那是１９７４年，我２８岁。之后不到３个月我便因躁狂症而判若两人，并开始一场漫长昂贵的抗拒药物的个人之争。但几年后，我却极力鼓励病人采用的药物治疗。 因为我的病，以及我与药物的战争在此之前已达数年之久，但最终却恰恰是药物拯救了我的生命并让我心智健康。

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-14 00:02 编辑 ]

Charlie Z. Song

malnu

太辛苦了，顶！
在哪里购到的，不如告诉大家一下。不是在米国吧？

xike

我想国内也可以从网上购的，只是可能运输时间会长点儿

kenko

一场昂贵的个人斗争……说到心里去了。

谢谢xike，辛苦了^_^

xike

For as long as  I can remember I was frighteningly, although often wonderfully, beholden to moods. Intensely emotional as a child, mercurial as a young girl, first severely depressed as an adolescent, and then unrelentingly caught up in the cycles of manic-depresive illness by the time I became, both by necessity and intellectual inclination, a student of moods. It has been the only way I know to understand, indeed to accept, the illness I have; it also has been the only way I know to try and make a difference in the lives of others who also suffer from mood disorders. The disease that has, on several occasions, nearly killed me does kill tens of thousands of people every year:most are young; most die unnecessarily; and many are among the most imaginative and gifted that we as a society have.

从我能够记事起，我便极端的易为情绪所左右，但一般来说，这种感觉还不错儿时情感强烈, 小女孩时性情多变, 青春期则首度经历了严重的抑郁症；展开专业生涯后, 我便被躁郁症无情的周期循环紧紧缠身。
由于我本身需求及学术倾向，我选择了研究情绪.，这是我所知唯一能去了解并接受自己病情的途径；也只有如此，我才能试着协助同样身受情绪推敲之苦的人。 有几次，几乎置我于死地的躁郁症，实际上每年导致上万人死亡，. 大部分是无谓丧生的年轻人, 其中许多更是社会上最具想象力及资赋优异的人。

[ 本帖最后由 xike 于 06-5-14 00:02 编辑 ]

xike

For as long as  I can remember I was frighteningly, although often wonderfully, beholden to moods. Intensely emotional as a child, mercurial as a young girl, first severely depressed as an adolescent, and then unrelentingly caught up in the cycles of manic-depresive illness by the time I became, both by necessity and intellectual inclination, a student of moods. It has been the only way I know to understand, indeed to accept, the illness I have; it also has been the only way I know to try and make a difference in the lives of others who also suffer from mood disorders. The disease that has, on several occasions, nearly killed me does kill tens of thousands of people every year:most are young; most die unnecessarily; and many are among the most imaginative and gifted that we as a society have.

从我能够记事起,我会有恐慌但大多数时候感觉极佳并相当感激我的情绪带给我的能量. 孩童般的热情好奇, 小女孩的机智善辩, 青年人的极度沮丧, 我被不停的循环着的抑郁狂躁症无情的擢住,直到我成为心理学的学生,这既是我自身的需要也是我兴趣所在. 这是我惟一能做的,去理解和对抗此病而不是仅被动的接受它.这也是我惟一知道能试着让自己和其它同样患着情感障碍疾病的人有所不同生活方式. 这个病数次差点儿让我自杀死去, 而每年都有成千上万的人因此病被夺走他们的生命. 他们大多数年轻的生命毫无理由的逝去, 他们拥有着社会需要的创造力和天赋.

cocofu

多谢xike的大力支持。
每个字都是自己打的，一定很辛苦吧。要注意身体哦。

Charlie Z. Song

xike

The Chinese believe that before you can conquer a beast you first must make it beautiful. In ome strange way, I have tried to do that with manic-depressive illness. It has been a fascinating, albeit deadly, enemy and companion;I have found it to be seductively complicated, a distillation both of what is finest inour natures, and of what is most dangerous.In order to contend with it, I first had to know it in all of its moods and infinite disguises, understand its real and imagined powers. Beccause my illness seemed at first simply to be an extension of myself----that is to say, of my ordinarily changeable moods, energies, and enthusiasms-----I perhapsgave it at times too much quarter. And, because I thought I ought to be able to handle my increasingly violent mood swings by myself, for the first ten years I did not seek and kond of treatment. Even after my condition became a medical emergency, I still intermitently resisted the medications that both my training and clinical research expertise told me were the only sensible way to deal with the illness I had.

中国人相信，要战胜野兽前必须先美化它。奇怪的是，我在对抗躁郁症时，我尝试的方法与此不谋而合。躁郁症是个迷人但足以致命的敌人与同伴，复杂性深具诱惑力，浓缩了人性中最精致及最危险的特质。为了和病魔抗争，首先我要认识它所有的面貌和无尽的伪装，了解它真正及被想像出来的力量。起初我以为躁郁症只是自己一向反复无常的情绪、精力和热度过了头，所以有时可能对它太过宽宏大量；再加上我相信自己能靠本身的力量，来控制日渐加剧的即使在情况恶化到迫切需要医疗时，我偶尔信会拒绝。

xike

昨天我想到一个问题，就是我这样做实际上是对作者的侵权行为．但是我是的确非常希望能让更多国内的朋友了解并认识到这个病症．我相信这也是作者本身写此书的目的之一．毕竟她的经历太具代表性，而且她本人也是该领域的专家．我会负我应担的责任．如果阳光对我的行为有异议，或是朋友们对此有异议，可以告诉我，并能给些两全的方法或建议．谢谢！