分享我的笔记——I never knew I had a chance

精灵娃娃

CHAPTER 7 RELATIONSHIPS

IT TAKES BOTH IMAGINATION AND EFFORT TO THINK OF WAYS TO REVISE OUR RELATIONSHIPS SO THAT THEY WILL REMAIN ALIVE[/u:2c524fc967]

It is part of the human dilemma that love always includes the element of hurt.

Thus, any relationship may have period of joy and excitement followed by times of struggle, pain, and distance. As long as the individuals in a relationship are growing and changing, their relationship is bound to change as well.


Types of intimacy
Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, or any combination of these.


Meaningful relationships: a personal view[/b:2c524fc967]

ü        Each person in the relationship has a separate identity.
ü        Although each person desires the other, each can survive without the other.
ü        Each is able to talk openly with the other about matters of significance to the relationship.

ü        Each person assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness and refrains from blaming the other if he or her is unhappy.
ü        Both people are willing to work at keeping their relationship alive.
ü        They are able to have fun and to play together; they enjoy doing things each other.

ü        Each person is growing, changing, and opening up to new experience.
ü        If the relationship contains a sexual component, each person makes some attempt to keep the romance alive.
ü        The two people are equal in the relationship,
ü        Each person actively demonstrates concern for the other.
ü        Each person finds meaning and sources of nourishment outside the relationship.
ü        Each person is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful.
ü        If they are in committed relationship, they maintain this relationship by choice, not simply for the sake of any children involved, out of duty, or because of convenience.

ü        They are able to cope with anger in their relationship.
ü        Each person recognizes the need for solitude and is willing to create the time in while to be alone. Each allows the other a sense of privacy.
ü        They don’t expect the other to do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves.
ü        They encourage each other to become all that they are capable of becoming.
ü        Each has a commitment to the other. Commitment is a vital part of an intimate relationship.

精灵娃娃

Anger and conflict in relationships[/b:82f53d282b]

Learn to become aware of conflicts and deal with them constructively.

It is generally helpful to express persistent annoyances rather than pretend they do not exist.
Ideally, sources of anger are best recognized and expressed in a direct and honest way.

ü        Recognize that conflict can be a healthy sign of individual difference.
ü        See confrontation as a caring act, not an attack on the other person.
ü        If you do confront a person, know why.
ü        If confronting anther, be careful not to issue dogmatic statements if who and what the other person is.(instead of telling others how they are , say how they affect you.)
ü        Resist the temptation to plan your next argument as anther is speaking to you.
(Successfully working through conflicts allows all the parties involved to be winners.)
ü        Deliver your message in a way that you would want to listen to if you were on the receiving ends.
ü        Accept responsibility for your own feelings.
ü        Tell others how you are struggling with them,
ü        Don’t walk away from conflict.
ü        Recognize the importance of forgiving others who have hurt you. (Letting go of old grievance and forgiving others is essential in maintaining intimacy,)
ü        Recognize that it is essential to forgive yourself.

The seven principles for making marriage work[/b:82f53d282b]

ü        Intimate familiarity: couples know each other ‘s goal, concern, and hopes.
ü        Fondness and admiration: when couples no longer honor and respect for one another, it is extremely difficult to revitalize the relationship.
ü        Connectedness: when individuals honor each other, they are generally able to appreciate each other’s perspective.
ü        Shared sense of power: when couples disagree, they look for common ground rather than insisting their way has to be supreme.
ü        Shared goals: partners incorporate each other’s goal into their concept of what their intimate relationship is about.



Dealing with communication blocks[/b:82f53d282b]
Barriers make it very different to have authentic encounters in which both people are open with themselves and each other.

Gay and lesbian relationships
Same-gender sexual orientation can be regarded as anther style of expressing sexuality

精灵娃娃

When to separate or terminate a significant relationship?[/b:df3b4a82a4]

ü        Has each of you sought personal therapy or counseling?
ü        Have you considered seeking relationship counseling?
ü        Are you both interesting in maintaining your relationship?
ü        Have you each taken the time to be alone, to get in focus, and to decide what kind of life you want for yourself and with.
ü        If you are married, what do you each expect from the divorce?
[b4]
Coping with ending a long-term relationship[/b4]
ü        Allow yourself to grieve
ü        Give yourself time.
ü        Express your anger.
ü        Depersonalize your partner’s action.
ü        Take responsibility for you own part in the relationship.
ü        Find a support network.
ü        Keep busy.
ü        Write in your journal.
ü        Make amends.
ü        Get closure
ü        Love and learn

dupeng981

我的天
晕了
看不懂

mintyan

强烈要求翻译成中文