分享我的笔记——I never knew I had a chance

精灵娃娃

I never knew I had a chance 是我在去年春天读的一本书。那时侯因为复发，一个星期就在寝室里。拿起那本书，渐渐地从恍惚的状态变得效率奇高。那是一本非常有震撼力的书。当时给我的帮助很大。但是因为那时侯心太急，想在短期里改变自己，反而形成了很大的压力。

今天偶然从计算机的问档里找到了当时做的笔记。想把它重新拿出来，FOR MYSELF AND FOR OHTHES。I WILL BE GALD IT IT CAN HELP YOU。

精灵娃娃

一共有11章。我慢慢地把部分章节贴出来。是英文的，对一些朋友只能说很抱歉。


Chapter 5 MANAGING STRESS

[u:b17b97ec88]EITHER YOU CONTROL YOU STRESS OR STRESS CONTROLS YOU[/b:b17b97ec88]

Stress has both positive and negative effects. It’s important to differentiate between eustress and distress.

Source of stress
Environmental sources of stress
Typically, college is a time when many critical choices are made that will shape an individual’s career goals and professional identity.
Psychological sources of stress
Frustration results from something blocking attainment of your needs and goals.
Conflict, occurs when two or more incompatible motivations or behavioral impulses compete for expression.
ü        Approach/approach conflict
ü        Avoidance/avoidance conflict
ü        Approach /avoidance conflict

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Effects of stress[/b:7e54279e81]

Not only do hardy personality seem to be able to survive stress and life changes but they actually appear to thrive under conditions of rapid and clustered changes.
ü        A liking for challenge
ü        A strong sense of commitment
ü        An internal locus of control
ü       
Destructive reaction to stress[/b:7e54279e81]
ü        Defensive behavior
ü        Drugs and alcohol
ü        Burnout as a result of continual stress

Constructive responses to stress[/b:7e54279e81]
If we do not address the emotional and mental origins of stress, then using coping technique is liking putting out a fire--------only to come back and find it burning again.
Constructive coping strategies include these characters.
ü        Confronting a problem directly
ü        Staying in tune with reality
ü        Accurately and realistically appraising a stressful situation rather than distorting reality
ü        Learning to recognize and manage harmful emotional reaction to stress
ü        Consciously and rationally evaluating alternative course of action
ü        Learning to exert behavioral self-control

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Tips for managing stress[/b:e958d643c7]

Time management
We look for periods when we can pay more attention to the natural inclinations of our body clock rather than a mechanical clock.
Consider time as a valuable resource that enables you do what ever you want in the life.
We must not allow the measurement of time to dominate our thinking, or we will sabotage ourselves in self-fulfilling cycle of anxiety undermining success.
Make time in your schedule for fun, exercise, meditation, socialization, and down time.
Concentrate on doing one thing at a time as well as you can.

Money management
Meditation
Meditation is a process of directing our attention to a single, unchanging or repetitive stimulus. Meditation my include repetition of a word, sound, phrase, or prayer, but its main purpose is to eliminate mental distractions and relax the body.
It is better to assume a sitting position for meditating rather than lying in bed, and meditating on an empty stomach is recommended for achieving deep meditative states. These exercises must be practices for at least a month for meditation’s more profound effect to be experienced.

Mindfulness
The idea of mindfulness is that we experience each moment fully. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace , joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment.
Do not judge
Develop an accepting attitude.
Let go.

Deep relaxation
Yoga
Yoga enables you to see the strengths you already have and to build on those strength. Those who practice yoga have a personal goal.
Therapeutic massage

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baby flower

jefflee

人参果？ft。。

kidding。。。

jefflee

Destructive reaction to stress
Defensive behavior
Drugs and alcohol
Burnout as a result of continual stress

Constructive responses to stress
If we do not address the emotional and mental origins of stress, then using coping technique is liking putting out a fire--------only to come back and find it burning again.

面对事实我觉得没错
但这种叫法我不同意 什么叫harmful啊 只是自我保护罢了 而且有些事情 也许是太急躁 或者目标太高所致 这时候自然会有自我保护心理 然后还要控制？我觉得简直是自杀行为。。很可怕
希望我没有耸人听闻

Learning to recognize and manage harmful emotional reaction to stress

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对待压力的关键不是逃避或者压抑而是释放吧。压抑的东西总有一天会以其他的形式爆发出来。

下面贴关于爱情的。第6章

精灵娃娃

[b:727d7e0c24]CHAPTER 6 LOVE[/u:727d7e0c24]

If YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER, LOVE SOMEONE[/b:727d7e0c24]
Freud defined the healthy person as one who can work well and love well.

Love makes a difference[/b:727d7e0c24]
Active love is something we can choose to share with others.
Barriers to loving and being loved
Myths and misconceptions about love
ü        The myth of eternal love
ü        The myth that love implies constant closeness
ü        The myth that we fall in and out of love
ü        The myth of the exclusiveness of love
ü        The myth that true love is selfless
ü        The myth that love and anger are incompatible
       
Self-doubt and lack of self-love[/b:727d7e0c24]
There is an unconditional quality about love
Our fear of love
ü        The fear of being discovered
ü        The uncertainty of love
ü        The fear of isolation
Is it worth it to love?
(Rejections and hurt)
Learning to love and appreciate ourselves
(Self-love)
[u:727d7e0c24][/b:727d7e0c24]

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Inauthentic and authentic love[/b:c6e0d4021f]
ü        Love means I knew the person I love
ü        Love means I care about the welfare of the person I love
ü        Love means having respect for the dignity of the person i love
ü        Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love
ü        Love means growth for both me and the person I love
ü        Love means making a commitment to the person I love
ü        Love means I am vulnerable
ü        Love means trusting the person I love
ü        Love means trusting yourself
ü        Love allows for accepting imperfection
ü        Love is freeing
ü        Live is expansive
ü        Love means having a want for the person I love
ü        Love means identifying with the person I love
ü        love involves self-acceptance
ü        Love means letting go of the illusion of total control of others, our environment, and ourselves

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love

jefflee

love and anger are incompatible ？？
这又是什么意思？？

精灵娃娃

关于愤怒和爱的关系是这么说的：

Anger is an inevitable topic in the love. Many people are convinced that is they love someone that they cannot get angry with them. It is not true that love and anger are incompatible. Anger in love is common, and it’s a sign that two parties need communication. It’s dangerous to deny or hide one’s anger, for it will give vent to in other ways and this may ruin your relationships in the long run. We should not deny it, but deal with it in a constructive way.
Gerald put his idea well when he wrote: “Anger and love cannot be compartmentalized: if you deny your anger, you are neglecting your love. It is different to feel loving toward others if we harbor unexpressed grudges. These unresolved issues tend to poison the relationship and can actually prevent deeper intimacy.”

jefflee

good
原来是否定的意思啊 ft
不过我常常不敢发火 因为怕别人也发火
那就搞的不可开交了

精灵娃娃

下面一章是讲RELATIONSHIP的，我想对于正在恋爱，或者结婚的，为爱情幸福的或者苦恼的朋友都会有一些帮助。