双相日记第四天：精神病 ver 0.1.10

woodmqf

双相日记第四天：精神病

我安静地坐在电脑前面，不时的有古怪的词句闯入我的大脑。混乱的思绪在一片宁静中蔓延着。我感到很不舒服，因为在正常状态与异常的症状之间有个微妙的分界。

我有过典型的幻听，就在我的左肩后面，它非常真实。但当在我发病的大多数情况中，我的脑袋显得会更喧嚣。

这让人心烦不已。举例来说，我能想象和某人的一次会谈。当然了，我们都这样做过。我也会参与这个会谈，成为会谈的一部分。到此，一切顺利。我会忘记另一个人并不真的在那里。嗯，这并不太妙。他们确实听上去会像真的一样，并且在谈话中坚称自己的存在。快点吧，在我把自己耗尽在与他们数小时彻底地辩论之前把药给我。

考虑脑中那些人是不是真实存在的还不是唯一的问题。理解人们确切所说也会是我的一个问题。

但我生病时，会很字面化的理解事情，就如同：某天，在福利办公室，一名工作人员说：“我想掐死你”我把它当真了，叫喊着寻求帮助，还把自己藏到桌子下。

在某人向我解释道她不是那个意思，而是对正在向她唠叨一起吃饭去的同事说的之后我镇静下来了。但是从那以后，我再也不情愿踏入福利办公室一步了。

我也有点妄想思维。也同样，这也有程度不同的状况，从有点疑心或者担忧，到变得确信有一个针对我的特殊阴谋。当它混杂着躁狂，将使我精疲力竭，因为每件事似乎都内在相连，而我愤怒地试图查明谁在阴谋后面针对我。这种经历让我感到孤独。

抑郁之时，既恐慌着他人可能如何对我，又夹杂着我将如何对自己的恐慌，那感觉上去就像无处可逃。

极度恐慌中，我把慢慢长夜留给了路边和安全岛。相信着这是最安全的地方，在那有众多驾车而过的目击者，没人，甚至我自己能伤害我。

这其中一些等同于精神病，而一些则不是，但是所有一切都那么难以应付。我所知的大部分人都不曾经历过，包括那些患有双相障碍的众多朋友在内。而当我会见我的精神科医师时，他们也从不用精神病这个词来描述我的状态，事后才这样说，这使我觉得当时谁也不了解确切的病情。

但幸运的是，我是抗精神病药物和思维技巧结合应用的受益者之一。明天，我将多告诉你一点什么样的治疗帮助了我。

Day four: psychosis
I’m sitting quietly at my computer and the odd word pops into my head. Just random thoughts in the quiet. But I’m uncomfortable, because there’s a fine line between what is normal for me and what is a sign that something’s amiss.
I’ve had the classic sort of voices, just behind my left shoulder and sounding totally real, but more often when I’m unwell my head just seems to get rather crowded.
This is rather tiresome. For example, I can imagine a conversation with someone. Surely we all do that. I can get involved in my part of the conversation. So far so good. I can forget the other person isn’t really there. Um, not so good. They can sound very real and hold their own in the conversation. Quick, give me the pills before I wear myself out completely arguing for hours with them.
And working out whether the people in my head are really there isn’t the only problem I have. Making sense of what people actually say can be a problem, too.
When I’m not well, I can take things very literally. For example, one day in a benefits office, a member of staff said “I’ll strangle you!” I took it literally, screamed for help and hid under a table.
I calmed down after someone had explained to me that she didn’t mean it literally and that in any case she was saying it to her colleague, who was nagging her to go for lunch, but I’ve been reluctant to go in benefit offices of any sort since.
There’s also the paranoid thinking. Again, this is on a spectrum from being a bit suspicious or worried, through to being convinced that there is a specific plot against me. When it’s mixed with mania it becomes exhausting, as everything seems to be interconnected and I frantically try to work out who is behind the conspiracy against me. It’s also a very lonely experience.
Couple the fear of what others might do to me with a fear of what I might do to myself when depressed, and it feels like there is no escape.
In the very depths of this fear, I have spent nights on roadsides and traffic islands in the belief that this was the safest place to be, where nobody, even myself, could hurt me, with so many witnesses driving past.
Some of this amounts to psychosis, and some of it doesn’t, but it’s all difficult to deal with. Most of the people I know have no experience of it, including most of my friends with bipolar, and when I meet psychiatrists they never use the word psychotic to describe how I am until afterwards, giving me the feeling at the time that nobody knows what is happening.
But I am fortunate that I am one of those who finds that antipsychotic medication and thinking techniques help. I’ll tell you a little more next time about what treatments help me.

欢迎指正，由于没有这方面经验，所以不知道是不是误会了某些地方

[ 本帖最后由 woodmqf 于 09-1-19 10:35 编辑 ]

malnu

这篇翻译虽然总体准确，但翻译腔略重，较难给人以身临其境的同感。

有两个理解上的不同意见供大家参考：

...正常状态与异常的症状之间有个明显的分界...

there’s a fine line between what is normal for me and what is a sign that something’s amiss.

fine有细微，难以察觉的的意味，在此语境中如果是明显的差别，或许对病人来说痛苦就会小一些了。可参见Marriam-Webster Online的释义：

3: delicate, subtle, or sensitive in quality, perception, or discrimination <a fine distinction>

另一处：

...他们也从不用精神病这个词来描述我，直到这给我带来一种在当时没人知道我身上发生了什么的感觉...

...they never use the word psychotic to describe how I am until afterwards, giving me the feeling at the time that nobody knows what is happening...

此处giving me...的分词结构是前面全句的结果状语，而不应是汉译的时间状语，试译为：

……他们从不用精神病这个词来描述我的状态，事后才这样说，这使我觉得当时谁也不了解确切的病情……

sire

顶起来！

malnu

幸运的是，我是发现抗精神病药物与思维技术起作用的人之一。

这一处并不是错误，算做上贴回复中提到的翻译腔的一个例子吧。

原译容易给人一种错觉，似乎作者是某种药物或技术的“发现人”。试译为：

……幸运的是，我是抗精神病药物和思维技巧结合应用的受益者之一……

当然这样翻译实际上与原文略有出入，但更易于理解，属翻译过程中见仁见智的一种方式吧。

woodmqf

纳兰的英文水平很不错啊，怎么学的呀？
第一点，语境问题，我确实不知道，我自己感觉挺明显的
第二点，分词问题。原谅我吧，n年没摸过语法书了，生疏了。
第三点，翻译腔。。。 这个嘛，本人一大不良特色。。。需要改进。。。

malnu

woodmqf见笑了，只是个人浅见，大家共同学习探讨。

另我对网络比较外行，目前尚未在woodmqf介绍的网站注册，可否辛苦woodmqf挑选分配些任务，省去了我去认领的麻烦。

woodmqf

我也想让纳兰不辞辛劳 ，但是工作组内成员翻译完了，组外成员又认领走了，最后两篇，领取的人，愣是没联系上。。。本来想在春节前弄完了，现在看来很悬啊，要是明天组外人员还不翻，纳兰，您也许就要收下一篇了。。。
注册了译言后，登录小组（只要登录进http://www.yeeyan.com/groups/translations/1516），看见加入小组，之后，就 啦

可以清心

顶上去！