用行动支配思想

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4/8/2010 午

昨晚又想起来不得不回去工作, 倍感压力, 睡眠也不好. 今天早上送女儿上学迟到了, 心里内疚的狠. 上午精神很差, 又睡了过去. 不过, 我终于起来了, 决定等病假到期, 回去工作, 再不喜欢也要做, 不能临到头来功亏一篑. 等我能不工作的时候, 再辞. 而且, 申请学校, part-time的读书, 好在我要读的paralegal有on-line program. 在研究研究回来汇报.

hahaha1973

35# seekhelp

sounds much reasonable

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研究的结果, paralegal没有online program, 又郁闷了一把. one full-time job, kid care, and one part-time schooling, I am not a super woman. 最后还是决定搬家, 搬到老公的公司附近, 把kid care的工作转交给他, 毕竟女儿已经6岁了. 这样一来, 我就是one full-time job and one part-time schooling (evening), 加上单程2个小时的车程. 实在受不了, 就在公司附近租个单间, 周三回去上课, 周五回去过周末. 艰难的日子, 希望早点有转机啊. 而且还不知道, 公司会不会找理由辞退我, 我有该怎么回去工作呢?

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4/9/2010 上午

早上去送女儿上学, Today is picture day, 才发现没有给她带上一双合适的鞋子. 所以就返回家里取, 最后很满意, 女儿穿中式旗袍和水晶鞋照的相. 回家以后, 决定去图书馆, 还好堵车不是很厉害, 借了一堆书和DVD回来了, 而且是中文的. 不知怎么回事, 好象我对读书的兴趣不是很大了,尤其是繁体, 或是竖体的格式, 而且找不到自己真正感兴趣的题材. 心理学的方面的, 医生劝我少看. 所以我借了Charles Schulz的cartoon book. 希望我能培养一个爱好, 而且不伤身体的.

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4/11/2010 午

才发现来阳光的次数少了, 周五下午上了一下午的网. 周六去looked for apartments. It took the whole day and we did not find the satisfactory one. After we were back, I was upset and disturbed. I cannot fall into sleep until very late night. I made a final decision to live close to my husband's company and probably quit my job. That is a big release. Then I can look for school or part-time job nearby. That will be our real life, not like the current one, with masks and acting to do my own job.

Today is Sunday and the sun is pretty warm. We went to hiking along a small creek. It was unexpected joy for all three of us.

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4/12/2010 morning

I did behave well yesterday afternoon, albeit a little tired, that I played with two little kids when my daughter was studying piano with her teacher. A crazy idea hit on me yesterday afternoon that I proposed to buy a house close to my husband's company. And it is feasible after the research on renting and buying. It is good to have a calm husband that I rely on for the final decision.

This morning I am working on mortgage and realtor stuff, and time flies. I hope that we can go through this smoothly. I also have two doctor's appointments this afternoon.

hahaha1973

Don't be too hurry.
Take it easy!

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4/13/2010 晚

先汇报昨天的看医生的情况：和两个医生都有争执的现象。回来以后自己又觉得无趣。 尤其是精神科医师， 劝了我些冠冕堂皇的话，我听不进去， 我给他讲我的特例， 他有说他不了解情况不好说。 我还在纠结我倒底回不回去上班呢？其实我知道最好找到一份满意的工作， 可是在现在的经济条件些， 有要不和老公两地， 我一点信心也没有。

说是要搬到老公的公司附近住， 今天跑了一天， 到底是租还是买？买什么样的？忙了一天。 好在他的地方小， 选择不多， 最后定下三个房子， 和租的房子差不多， 但是买比租合算， 所以后天再去看房， 如果能买就买， 不能买就不勉强。实在是太累了。

hahaha1973

买房子是一件很复杂的事情，一定要研究透了。还要考虑一下你们有没有可能在那里常呆，会不会换工作到别的州等等问题。

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抑郁前看了好多房子， 而且万事俱备， 就坏在我的工作出了问题。 所以现在才要买一蜗居， 我老公一个人也可以负担的起的。今天燥的厉害， 睡不着觉， 又想不能栽到一个老板的手里， 又想找化学的工作，或许是想证明我不是一个 loser. 可能我自己也不知道我到底想要什么，我又再负气吗？今天早上我还在想曹操杀杨修的故事， 鸡肋， 鸡肋的结果是弃之！我现在的工作是鸡肋。 我能在化学领域找到一个不是鸡肋的工作吗？

hahaha1973

不太了解化学，我跟你完全不是一个领域。如果工资还可以，先忍着吧。等找好再换。也可以上mitbbs化学版咨询一下对你领域了解比较深入的同学

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4/15/2010 afternoon

I did lots of things yesterday and today. I had three houses tour yesterday and make an offer today. It sounds like a dream, but it is real. I wonder if my dream will come true. To stay cool and peaceful for the coming events.

Still puzzled with my future. What should I do? Probably I need to modify my resume and take some actions on job hunting. Just give it a try.

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不太了解化学，我跟你完全不是一个领域。如果工资还可以，先忍着吧。等找好再换。也可以上mitbbs化学版咨询一下对你领域了解比较深入的同学
hahaha1973 发表于 10-4-14 21:20

By the way, what do you do?

hahaha1973

I work for a biological company. I am doing some experiments like a technician

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I work for a biological company. I am doing some experiments like a technician
hahaha1973 发表于 10-4-16 10:12

I did experiments for years, but just cannot take it anymore recently. I am always in anxiety that I probably did something wrong in experiments when I was sick.