标题: 分享我的笔记——I never knew I had a chance [打印本页] 作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-2-29 20:42 标题: 分享我的笔记——I never knew I had a chance I never knew I had a chance 是我在去年春天读的一本书。那时侯因为复发，一个星期就在寝室里。拿起那本书，渐渐地从恍惚的状态变得效率奇高。那是一本非常有震撼力的书。当时给我的帮助很大。但是因为那时侯心太急，想在短期里改变自己，反而形成了很大的压力。
今天偶然从计算机的问档里找到了当时做的笔记。想把它重新拿出来，FOR MYSELF AND FOR OHTHES。I WILL BE GALD IT IT CAN HELP YOU。作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-2-29 20:44
一共有11章。我慢慢地把部分章节贴出来。是英文的，对一些朋友只能说很抱歉。
Chapter 5 MANAGING STRESS
[u:b17b97ec88]EITHER YOU CONTROL YOU STRESS OR STRESS CONTROLS YOU[/b:b17b97ec88]
Stress has both positive and negative effects. It’s important to differentiate between eustress and distress.
Source of stress
Environmental sources of stress
Typically, college is a time when many critical choices are made that will shape an individual’s career goals and professional identity.
Psychological sources of stress
Frustration results from something blocking attainment of your needs and goals.
Conflict, occurs when two or more incompatible motivations or behavioral impulses compete for expression.
ü Approach/approach conflict
ü Avoidance/avoidance conflict
ü Approach /avoidance conflict作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-2-29 20:46 Effects of stress[/b:7e54279e81]
Not only do hardy personality seem to be able to survive stress and life changes but they actually appear to thrive under conditions of rapid and clustered changes.
ü A liking for challenge
ü A strong sense of commitment
ü An internal locus of control
ü Destructive reaction to stress[/b:7e54279e81]
ü Defensive behavior
ü Drugs and alcohol
ü Burnout as a result of continual stress
Constructive responses to stress[/b:7e54279e81]
If we do not address the emotional and mental origins of stress, then using coping technique is liking putting out a fire--------only to come back and find it burning again.
Constructive coping strategies include these characters.
ü Confronting a problem directly
ü Staying in tune with reality
ü Accurately and realistically appraising a stressful situation rather than distorting reality
ü Learning to recognize and manage harmful emotional reaction to stress
ü Consciously and rationally evaluating alternative course of action
ü Learning to exert behavioral self-control作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-1 22:33 Tips for managing stress[/b:e958d643c7]
Time management
We look for periods when we can pay more attention to the natural inclinations of our body clock rather than a mechanical clock.
Consider time as a valuable resource that enables you do what ever you want in the life.
We must not allow the measurement of time to dominate our thinking, or we will sabotage ourselves in self-fulfilling cycle of anxiety undermining success.
Make time in your schedule for fun, exercise, meditation, socialization, and down time.
Concentrate on doing one thing at a time as well as you can.
Money management
Meditation
Meditation is a process of directing our attention to a single, unchanging or repetitive stimulus. Meditation my include repetition of a word, sound, phrase, or prayer, but its main purpose is to eliminate mental distractions and relax the body.
It is better to assume a sitting position for meditating rather than lying in bed, and meditating on an empty stomach is recommended for achieving deep meditative states. These exercises must be practices for at least a month for meditation’s more profound effect to be experienced.
Mindfulness
The idea of mindfulness is that we experience each moment fully. Every breath we take, every step we make, can be filled with peace , joy, and serenity. We need only to be awake, alive in the present moment.
Do not judge
Develop an accepting attitude.
Let go.
Deep relaxation
Yoga
Yoga enables you to see the strengths you already have and to build on those strength. Those who practice yoga have a personal goal.
Therapeutic massage作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-1 22:34
baby flower作者: jefflee 时间: 04-3-2 23:30
人参果？ft。。
kidding。。。作者: jefflee 时间: 04-3-2 23:37
Destructive reaction to stress
Defensive behavior
Drugs and alcohol
Burnout as a result of continual stress
Constructive responses to stress
If we do not address the emotional and mental origins of stress, then using coping technique is liking putting out a fire--------only to come back and find it burning again.
If YOU WANT TO LIVE FOREVER, LOVE SOMEONE[/b:727d7e0c24]
Freud defined the healthy person as one who can work well and love well.
Love makes a difference[/b:727d7e0c24]
Active love is something we can choose to share with others.
Barriers to loving and being loved
Myths and misconceptions about love
ü The myth of eternal love
ü The myth that love implies constant closeness
ü The myth that we fall in and out of love
ü The myth of the exclusiveness of love
ü The myth that true love is selfless
ü The myth that love and anger are incompatible
Self-doubt and lack of self-love[/b:727d7e0c24]
There is an unconditional quality about love
Our fear of love
ü The fear of being discovered
ü The uncertainty of love
ü The fear of isolation
Is it worth it to love?
(Rejections and hurt)
Learning to love and appreciate ourselves
(Self-love) [u:727d7e0c24][/b:727d7e0c24]作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-3 09:06 Inauthentic and authentic love[/b:c6e0d4021f]
ü Love means I knew the person I love
ü Love means I care about the welfare of the person I love
ü Love means having respect for the dignity of the person i love
ü Love means having a responsibility toward the person I love
ü Love means growth for both me and the person I love
ü Love means making a commitment to the person I love
ü Love means I am vulnerable
ü Love means trusting the person I love
ü Love means trusting yourself
ü Love allows for accepting imperfection
ü Love is freeing
ü Live is expansive
ü Love means having a want for the person I love
ü Love means identifying with the person I love
ü love involves self-acceptance
ü Love means letting go of the illusion of total control of others, our environment, and ourselves作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-3 09:08
love作者: jefflee 时间: 04-3-3 21:09
love and anger are incompatible ？？
这又是什么意思？？作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-4 13:42
关于愤怒和爱的关系是这么说的：
Anger is an inevitable topic in the love. Many people are convinced that is they love someone that they cannot get angry with them. It is not true that love and anger are incompatible. Anger in love is common, and it’s a sign that two parties need communication. It’s dangerous to deny or hide one’s anger, for it will give vent to in other ways and this may ruin your relationships in the long run. We should not deny it, but deal with it in a constructive way.
Gerald put his idea well when he wrote: “Anger and love cannot be compartmentalized: if you deny your anger, you are neglecting your love. It is different to feel loving toward others if we harbor unexpressed grudges. These unresolved issues tend to poison the relationship and can actually prevent deeper intimacy.”作者: jefflee 时间: 04-3-4 14:19
good
原来是否定的意思啊 ft
不过我常常不敢发火 因为怕别人也发火
那就搞的不可开交了作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-4 22:21
下面一章是讲RELATIONSHIP的，我想对于正在恋爱，或者结婚的，为爱情幸福的或者苦恼的朋友都会有一些帮助。作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-4 22:24
CHAPTER 7 RELATIONSHIPS
IT TAKES BOTH IMAGINATION AND EFFORT TO THINK OF WAYS TO REVISE OUR RELATIONSHIPS SO THAT THEY WILL REMAIN ALIVE[/u:2c524fc967]
It is part of the human dilemma that love always includes the element of hurt.
Thus, any relationship may have period of joy and excitement followed by times of struggle, pain, and distance. As long as the individuals in a relationship are growing and changing, their relationship is bound to change as well.
Types of intimacy
Emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, or any combination of these.
Meaningful relationships: a personal view[/b:2c524fc967]
ü Each person in the relationship has a separate identity.
ü Although each person desires the other, each can survive without the other.
ü Each is able to talk openly with the other about matters of significance to the relationship.
ü Each person assumes responsibility for his or her own level of happiness and refrains from blaming the other if he or her is unhappy.
ü Both people are willing to work at keeping their relationship alive.
ü They are able to have fun and to play together; they enjoy doing things each other.
ü Each person is growing, changing, and opening up to new experience.
ü If the relationship contains a sexual component, each person makes some attempt to keep the romance alive.
ü The two people are equal in the relationship,
ü Each person actively demonstrates concern for the other.
ü Each person finds meaning and sources of nourishment outside the relationship.
ü Each person is moving in a direction in life that is personally meaningful.
ü If they are in committed relationship, they maintain this relationship by choice, not simply for the sake of any children involved, out of duty, or because of convenience.
ü They are able to cope with anger in their relationship.
ü Each person recognizes the need for solitude and is willing to create the time in while to be alone. Each allows the other a sense of privacy.
ü They don’t expect the other to do for them what they are capable of doing for themselves.
ü They encourage each other to become all that they are capable of becoming.
ü Each has a commitment to the other. Commitment is a vital part of an intimate relationship.作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-4 22:25 Anger and conflict in relationships[/b:82f53d282b]
Learn to become aware of conflicts and deal with them constructively.
It is generally helpful to express persistent annoyances rather than pretend they do not exist.
Ideally, sources of anger are best recognized and expressed in a direct and honest way.
ü Recognize that conflict can be a healthy sign of individual difference.
ü See confrontation as a caring act, not an attack on the other person.
ü If you do confront a person, know why.
ü If confronting anther, be careful not to issue dogmatic statements if who and what the other person is.(instead of telling others how they are , say how they affect you.)
ü Resist the temptation to plan your next argument as anther is speaking to you.
(Successfully working through conflicts allows all the parties involved to be winners.)
ü Deliver your message in a way that you would want to listen to if you were on the receiving ends.
ü Accept responsibility for your own feelings.
ü Tell others how you are struggling with them,
ü Don’t walk away from conflict.
ü Recognize the importance of forgiving others who have hurt you. (Letting go of old grievance and forgiving others is essential in maintaining intimacy,)
ü Recognize that it is essential to forgive yourself.
The seven principles for making marriage work[/b:82f53d282b]
ü Intimate familiarity: couples know each other ‘s goal, concern, and hopes.
ü Fondness and admiration: when couples no longer honor and respect for one another, it is extremely difficult to revitalize the relationship.
ü Connectedness: when individuals honor each other, they are generally able to appreciate each other’s perspective.
ü Shared sense of power: when couples disagree, they look for common ground rather than insisting their way has to be supreme.
ü Shared goals: partners incorporate each other’s goal into their concept of what their intimate relationship is about.
Dealing with communication blocks[/b:82f53d282b]
Barriers make it very different to have authentic encounters in which both people are open with themselves and each other.
Gay and lesbian relationships
Same-gender sexual orientation can be regarded as anther style of expressing sexuality作者: 精灵娃娃 时间: 04-3-4 22:27 When to separate or terminate a significant relationship?[/b:df3b4a82a4]
ü Has each of you sought personal therapy or counseling?
ü Have you considered seeking relationship counseling?
ü Are you both interesting in maintaining your relationship?
ü Have you each taken the time to be alone, to get in focus, and to decide what kind of life you want for yourself and with.
ü If you are married, what do you each expect from the divorce?
[b4]
Coping with ending a long-term relationship[/b4]
ü Allow yourself to grieve
ü Give yourself time.
ü Express your anger.
ü Depersonalize your partner’s action.
ü Take responsibility for you own part in the relationship.
ü Find a support network.
ü Keep busy.
ü Write in your journal.
ü Make amends.
ü Get closure
ü Love and learn作者: dupeng981 时间: 04-6-5 18:31
我的天
晕了
看不懂作者: mintyan 时间: 04-6-8 11:25
强烈要求翻译成中文
