生活会变得更好的

生活会变得更好的

5年前，我患上了双相性情感障碍症，那时我18岁，刚刚高中毕业，生活得非常幸福。不久这个被我称之为家的世界变得陌生了起来，失去了理性并充满了麻醉品和性。我感到对任何事情都没有了兴趣。我使用过麻醉品，并同一个男人和一个女人保持过性关系。我每天都沉醉在酒精饮料里面，这些都是我过去的生活。我感到自己变得高大起来，可以触摸到上帝了。我感觉我的世界是另外一个样子的，跟我所知道的现实世界是分离的。我的世界离其他人的世界是越来越远了，我独自乐在其中。

无论怎样，我从来没感觉到我会是那样的孤独，我所需要的是他人的一点点理解，我需要有人能感受到我的痛楚，所以我下意识地猜测，我给我周围人的生活带来了苦恼。我的脾气变得急躁了起来，我的攻击心理越来越有敌意，自伤、自残也成了家常便饭的事。我处在一个“对什么都麻木不仁”的心境里，我停止了吃药，接着又开始吸食更多的麻醉品，最终我丧失了所有的理性思维。

随着时间的流逝，我开始从我犯下的错误中学习点东西。现在我能正确地吃药，并能实实在在地和他人保持9个月的正常的人际关系。对一些人来说，那不大可能会有这么长的时间，但是我们当中许多患有心境障碍的人都能理解保持正常的人际关系是多么的艰难。我有一份我喜欢的工作，我能实际地预见到我的将来。我是一名画家，我最终选择用上帝赐予我的天赋去赢得现在生活上的成功。

我知道有时侯很艰难，有时侯很痛苦，会感到很孤独，很无助，很愤怒，很苦，甚至很精疲力竭。但这一切都会变得好起来的，我敢保证。

我曾经想过事情再也不会好起来了。我的手腕上有一些伤疤，它每天都提醒我我曾经历过的事。现在我已成长为一个快乐的人，并能理智地重返社会。

请继续努力治疗，你的生活会变得好起来的。

原文阅读：

Korey

Life will get better

Five years ago, I was diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder. At that time I was 18 and on top of the world. I was fresh out of high school. Soon, the world I called home became strange, irrational and filled with drugs and sex. I felt like nothing could touch me. I was using drugs, having sex with both men and women, and drinking alcohol like each day was my last. I felt high. I felt a connection with God. I felt that my world was another dimension, separate from any reality that I knew existed. My world was far from everyone else's and I felt comfortable in it.

Regardless of all this, I had never felt as alone as I felt then. All I wanted was a simple understanding from someone. I wanted someone to feel my pain. So I suppose subconsciously, I made everyone’s lives around me miserable. My temper was short, my aggression grew hostile, and self-mutilation was becoming common. I stayed in the “I don’t care anymore” mood. I stopped taking my medication. Then started doing more drugs, and eventually lost all rational thinking.

As time went on I started learning from my mistakes. Now I’m correctly medicated and have actually been in a committed nine-month long relationship with someone. That may not seem like a long time to some people, but many of us who have the disorder understand how hard it is to stay in a relationship. I have a job that I am happy with and a future I can actually foresee. I am a painter, and have chosen to finally use my god-given gift to succeed in the present life.

I know it’s hard sometimes. I know it hurts sometimes. To feel so alone, so helpless, so angry, so bitter, and so exhausted. But it gets better, I promise you.

I thought things would never get better. I have the scars on my wrists to remind me every day where I’ve been. Today I’ve blossomed into a happier being and am rationally re-connected with the social world.

Please stick with your treatment. Your life WILL get better.

原文链接：http://www.dbsalliance.org/stories/Korey.html