坚持吃药，并保持信心

坚持吃药，并保持信心

29岁时我被诊断为双向情感障碍。我的整个生活就是和精神疾病搏斗着。我十几岁时总是整天想睡觉，我睡不着时就起来，整夜地打扫房间或者读书或者做些任何可以使我动起来的事。我总是必须动个不停。

孩提时我被诊断为多动症（ADHD）。祖父去世后，我被诊断为创后压力障碍（PTSD）和抑郁。少年时期，我有时接受抑郁治疗，有时没有。我甚至数不清就诊的咨询大夫。我试图自杀过几次，并一直存有这种念头。我从没有动摇过我再也好不了了的感觉。

我觉得我是自己和家庭的负担。我无法保住一个工作，家庭关系也成问题。我和朋友的关系更糟。现在我知道我曾索要他们不能给我的东西。我想要他们帮助我与自己和平相处，爱我自己。我在深刻的教训中性不等于爱。当我28岁时，我被诊断为抑郁和焦虑障碍。医生给我开的抑郁药品对我产生了很坏的影响，使我陷入严重的躁狂状态。这一切发生时，我自己一点都没有觉察到。我当时真的觉得自己失去了自制力。

在糟糕的躁狂症状之后我有了好的转变。后来我的生活发生了很多创伤性的事情，我最终住进医院，并立即被诊断为双向情感障碍。

那是大约一年半以前的事了，现在我每天吃一次药，并尽量保持头脑清醒。有一段日子很难熬，但恰恰我坚持吃药并保持信心。对现在而言，那大概是我力所能及的事情了。我希望有一天我能感受到“正常”，无论怎样，坚持就是胜利。

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Geena

Taking the meds and keeping the faith

I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder at age 29. Through out my entire life I have battled some form of mental illness. During my teen years I wanted to sleep all the time and when I wasn’t sleeping I was up all night cleaning my room or reading or doing whatever I could to keep moving, I always had to be moving.

I was diagnosed as ADHD as a child. After my grandfather passed away, I was diagnosed with PTSD and depression. As a teen I was in and out of treatment for depression. I can’t even begin to count the number of counselors I went to. I tried to commit suicide several times and thought about it all the time. I could never shake the feeling that I would be better off not around any more.

I felt like a burden to myself and family. I couldn’t hold down a job and my family relationship was the pits. My relationships with guys were even worse. I know now that I was looking for something they couldn’t give me. I wanted them to help me be at peace with myself and love myself. I learned a hard lesson that sex does not equal love. Then when I was 28 I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety disorder. The medications I was prescribed for the depression had a bad effect on me. They sent me into a severe manic phase. I had no clue what was happening to me. I really thought I was losing my mind.

Some good came out of a bad manic episode. After a lot of traumatic things happened to me, I ended up in the hospital where I was immediately admitted and diagnosed with bipolar II disorder.

That was about a year and a half ago. I am taking it one day at a time now and trying to keep my head above water. It’s not easy some days, but I just keep taking the meds and keeping the faith. And for now that’s about all I have the energy to do. I hope to some day to feel “normal,” whatever that is. Until then I will keep on keeping on.

原文链接：http://www.dbsalliance.org/stories/Geena.html