我确实病了

我确实病了

我53岁才知道其实从小忧郁症就成了我生活的一部分。我太敏感，很难交朋友。我一向认为别人不会喜欢我。回头看看，我比大多数孩子更需要鼓励。我转向到书本里的虚拟世界，在那里我更觉得舒服一些。

我的家庭生活很好。父母勤劳，敬虔。我们住的小镇人们生活简朴，慷慨，勤劳。从小我就 觉得孤独，学校的压力很大。我比较聪明但难于集中注意力。之后的20年发生了很多事，吃饭失调，工作加班加点。我只能靠吃药和锻炼来喘口气，避免忧郁。我开始对结婚，过正常人的日子感到绝望。我不再能保住任何工作，除非能强刺激我的肾上腺素。我不能做办 公室工作。最合适的工作就是做女招待和社会服务，因为这两者都要全力以赴，能让人忘记自我和忧郁。可是，我最后的一个工作 ---社会服务，让我心力交瘁，慢慢地撑不下去了 。

那个时候病得厉害，每个月有一个星期我很难正常运转。我整天想吃巧克力，喝咖啡，不能 顾及到健康了。饮食和锻炼，我急需要这两样来抵抗忧郁症，也顾不上了。

最后，我崩溃了。不能再工作，疲惫不堪。我找到一个很好的男朋友支撑着我往前走，之后 我们结婚了。但在这以前，我在床上躺了整整一年,疲乏，忧郁，各种各样的呼吸病。我记得那一年是最黑暗的之一。我对任何事情感觉不到任何快乐。我甚至洗不了衣服，每一个小事似乎都能淹没我。

逐渐得，慢慢得，经过治疗和锻炼，我走出了昏天黑地的忧郁。我知道我必须改变我的生活，照顾好自己。我不能再超时工作。我不能再嗜糖和高脂食品。我只能远离能形成高压的工作,人群。

我去互助小组了解我的症状。我完全改变了我的生活。5年的时间，疲乏消除了，黑压压的 忧郁开始有了窗户，越来越大。

我和我的丈夫建立了一个成功的生意，舒适的家。我结交朋友，骑马登山，去健身房，数年 的时间治好了我的各种问题。但我的情绪仍然时高时低，我还得战斗。现在我知道我脑子里化学成分不平衡，特别是在秋天和冬天。最后，我服药6个月，大大减轻了我的症状。我丈 夫说我完全不一样了.这大大鼓舞了我。遗憾的是，我不喜欢其副作用：困倦，胃不适，缺乏性欲，减少创造力，损失一些情绪高涨期。

我已经忘了忧郁症是什么感觉。我不再吃药了。不到两个月，我开始滑回到负面想法，过分 敏感，走极端，窘困。所有药物的负作用和忧郁症本身相比似乎显得微不足道，我又回过头来吃药。现在我认识到我的脑子化学成分失调是千真万确。疗法是有所帮助但不能除根。我 需要吃药。

我必须面对这个现实。

总而言之，我的生活是成功的。但如果我早点开始吃药，会避免多少年的痛苦和挣扎？我承 认一部分的我情绪是高昂的，但不值得去交换长时间的忧郁和沮丧，不和朋友往来。我不想再这样下去。我真是希望我的故事对别人有些帮助，因为我从这里得到了极大的帮助， 我 再说一遍：我病了。

Myra

I really have an illness

I am a 53 year-old woman who is finally realizing that depression has been a part of my life since I was a child. I was very sensitive and it was difficult for me to make friends. I would often think people didn't really like me. Looking back now, I realize I needed a lot more encouragement than most children do. I turned to the world of fantasy in books, where I was much more comfortable.

My home life was a good one. My parents were hardworking and religious. We lived in a small town where people were simple, generous and hardworking. As an adolescent I was very lonely and school was very stressful for me. I was smart but it was difficult for me to concentrate. The next twenty years of my life included many affairs, an eating disorder and workaholism. Only meditation and exercise really gave me relief from depression. I began to despair of ever marrying or having a normal life. I couldn't hold down any type of job except those that gave me high adrenaline rushes. I couldn't do office work. My most successful jobs were waitressing and social work because both had lots of high-energy type situations which took me out of myself and the depression. However, my last job as a social worker was so exhausting that I gradually burned out.

By that time I had PMS so severe that one week out of every month I could barely function. I wanted to eat chocolate and drink coffee all day just to keep going. I wasn't able to care for myself in a healthy way. I didn't eat right or exercise